Earlier this year I wrote a post about breaking the 3 most common fears. I have another fear that gripped me most of my life and I still struggle with this fear. Please don’t laugh at me when I share this fear that seems trivial at first.
My greatest fear is being in a room full of women. Isn’t that crazy? Maybe this fear started when I was surrounded by a bunch of high school girls that wanted to jump me in class. Or by other girls in middle school that picked fights with me for no logical reason.
I get a ton of invites on Facebook to baby showers and wedding showers. I rarely go to these showers because again, I’m thinking of those moments when I was irrationally hated by a bunch of girls. I always had one best girl friend because girls didn’t like me.
To this day I don’t know why girls hated me. I was a tomboy growing up and got along better with boys who didn’t play head games or had drama. I’m still a tom boy at heart.
I think this irrational hatred between women is rooted in sin and the enemy’s design to keep us divided regardless of our gender. I work hard at maintaining or growing friendships with women. I’m always asking someone to lunch or coffee.
I’ve had issues with women in the church that makes me a little wary. Women in the church have told me that I intimidate them, I’m scary, and I’m too intense. I work hard at “toning down” whatever that quality is in me that makes me intimidating, scary or too intense for women. Maybe that’s why my closest friends that I can count on one hand are other leaders.
This fear of a room full of women kept me away from women’s conferences for years. I went to one women’s conference when I was single because my boss made me go. I was glad that she made me go and I had a blast. I’ve gone to about every women’s conference at my church since then so I’ve made some progress on this front.
So if you’ve invited me to your shower or ‘girls night out’ and I don’t show up, please don’t take it personally. I’ve walked a lot of miles on this road of life but I still get that twinge in my gut when I walk into a room full of women. I still feel awkward and like someone is going to pounce on me.
I still fight the fear of being in a room full of women. What’s your greatest fear?