I had a miscarriage when I was on a ministry trip with Pastor Steve and Kathy Gray in Orlando, FL. in 2001. I was depressed, in despair and disappointed that I had lost our child. My heart was broken and all I wanted to do was cry. The following Sunday, I didn’t go to church because I didn’t want to be around happy people. I wanted to wallow in my sadness.
The phone rang and on the other end to my surprise was Pastor Steve Gray. “Where are you?” he asked. I’ve never known Pastor Steve to call anyone who missed a service on Sunday although I’ve heard that he use to do that when he pastored a country church. “I’m at home,” I sobbed. “I’m sad about losing my baby.”
He said a few things and then a statement that to this day has stayed with me.
“The best thing I can do for you Leilani is to get you back to work.”
When he said that, I thought he was being heartless, unsympathetic and cold.
“I don’t want to get back to work! I want to wallow in my sadness!” I thought to myself. “You have no idea what I’ve been through!”
I politely thanked him for calling and said I would be back in the office the following week.
I didn’t realize the wisdom of his advice until I started doing what he said. I was back at work on Tuesday and the hurt from the loss began to dim. I will always remember the life I carried in me, but I know that my unborn child is with the Father. Instead of the pain of loss, a compassion took over me when I prayed for other women who had a miscarriage or wanted to have a child.
I think what Pastor Steve was trying to teach me is to find healing through working for Him. I’ve prayed for people every other Saturday for almost 10 years as a prayer warrior at the House of Hope & Healing. I’ve prayed for people when I felt as spiritual as an eggplant with my own challenges. And I’ve seen people set free and healed when I didn’t feel like a spiritual giant or anointed.
There’s something about pouring your life out for others that God really likes. When you are a channel for Him, even though you may not feel like a spiritual giant, and He moves anyway, that moment changes you. I’ve wept as I’ve seen healing come to people I’ve prayed for even though an hour before I was yelling at my kids to clean their room.
The best thing you can do for 2013 is to get to work for God. When we serve and lay our lives down for people, we find life in Him. I’ve felt my own feelings of depression lift off when I’ve prayed for someone struggling with depression. I use to think that you had to have it all together and be perfect to minister. God loves to use imperfect, faulty people to demonstrate His glory. After all, it proves that He is God.